Greater Love

I once wrote a poem called “Reel life” about the kind of love that is portrayed on the big screen, that thrives solely on chemistry: The chiseled guy, who sizzles, fizzles, with the scene ending with the lovers kissing in the drizzling rain and then the caption – THE END…. But it’s not really the end is it? It’s actually the beginning… The beginning of a journey initiated by a decision… TO LOVE.

I sat down with my friend who has been married for over thirty years and listened to him as he asked me speak to his wife because they have grown apart and they are struggling in their marriage. STRUGGLING… I was amazed! I knew these people! I had seen them both up close and personal and I felt that they had a good thing going on all around, but here we were today… They love each other that I’m sure of, but still…. I knew that this was break or make point for them… What to say…

I turned to my friend and I said (I, the yet to be married one): ‘you know something I’ve come to realize? ‘Love is not something one feels, it’s a decision one makes, determining not to give oneself an “out” ‘. ‘The moment one decides there that might be an “out”, love ceases to grow and will eventually die. How did I arrive at this deep seated and wise conclusion? From the originator of love himself - who made a decision to love without giving himself an “out” – GOD in the form of Christ; who even in the face of intense agony and terror (Yes he was terrified at what he was about to go through), did not balk. Because HE HAD MADE THE DECISION TO LOVE …. Without recourse to rescind…. For God so loved the world that he gave and gave and gave, all the way to death….

Love, He said is not based on reciprocity, it’s a decision to act, with or without reciprocity; and when that decision is met by another decision to do the same…. It becomes a beautiful and eternally cataclysmic fusion that allows an alloyed (Alloy- a metallic substance made by mixing and fusing two or more metals, or a metal and a nonmetal, to obtain desirable qualities such as hardness, lightness, and strength. Brass, bronze, and steel are all alloys) connection to be formed.

I once told a friend: ‘There is nothing you could ever do to me that would offend me’ my friend said to me: wow …. That’s deep, but do you think that is possible? Yes I answered ‘because I have made the decision to NEVER be offended at you’. ‘Will you ever hurt me? Will you ever annoy me? Will I ever be tempted to be offended? ‘ Yes to all those questions… yet many days have passed since I made that statement, and never once have I been offended…. Why? Because it is a decision that I have made…. Well you might say that this decision was made in the context of friendship and not an intimate love relationship, but I submit to you that the principles of love remain the same across the spectrum of friend through lover to lifelong soul mate….

Jonathan in the bible made a decision to love David and the bible records that their souls were knit together…

I Sam 18:1-4
Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself. Saul took him that day and did not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword and his bow and his belt. So David went out wherever Saul sent him, and prospered; and Saul set him over the men of war.

… And even though Jonathan knew in his heart that he would not be king because the Lord had anointed David to succeed Saul, that did not affect his love for David…. He made a decision to LOVE, he STRIPPED HIMSELF of his armor, and GAVE it to David – the epitome of selflessness in the face of a higher purpose… which when we look at the components of armor: helmet of salvation, breastplate of righteousness, girdle of truth, sword of the spirit, feet shod with good news, shield of faith, all mirror what love does, and what Jesus did for us entirely mirrors what Jonathan did for David…. He made a decision to love us, He stripped himself of his glory, and gave it to us, his soul being knit to ours in covenant…. Wow!

1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

The sages characterized the relationship between Jonathan and David in the following Mishnah:
“Whenever love depends on some selfish end, when the end passes away, the love passes away; but if it does not depend on some selfish end, it will never pass away. Which love depended on a selfish end? This was the love of Amnon and Tamar. And which did not depend on a selfish end? This was the love of David and Jonathan. (Avot 5:15)

So what I am saying? Love is a decision, not a feeling, love is not dependent on reciprocity, loves strips of oneself, and willingly gives to another without the option of rescinding, to the purpose of giving life to, and through another…. Any surprise that in marriage the giving in the act of love results both in the rejuvenation and giving of life?

What or who gives one the power to love? It is love himself….

Phil 2: 6-13
Who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

God works in us to will and to do when we make a decision to obey him…. LOVE – a beautiful, complex, deep, self stripping, giving, and when truly given, irreversible covenant decision that results in Glory…

So in conclusion, do I have a simple answer? No …. But I have the principle, and God help me to work at it and God help us all to work at it, that as we all make that decision to love it will be met with reciprocity, and ignited by covenant, and fueled by divinity….
Amen

PS this was a difficult one to write, as I surely have not come to grasp it’s full implication… maybe I never will… But I decide daily to continue to love…. SO HELP ME GOD…


Reel Life

The end is said
The credits roll
Hearts forever joined as one
Beating, syncing
Riding off, sunset rich
Just where am I?
Oh 'twas just a reel
In no manner real
Representation of life surreal
If only it were really real
The end revealed
Reel life divine
The lights come up
Real life begins.

Healing and the whole 9.... no 10 yards...

My Knight in shining armor....

Acceptance conceded defeat,

Reality set in

And now let the pity-party begin!

But only by invitation please,

Bouncers at the door

Your qualifications required,

Or no entry permit

Misery the pass phrase,

ID stamped, hand aglow,

Emerging when ?

Oh that I do not know

Commotion at the doorway

How dare they intrude!

Told to stay put,

When I left a while ago

But oh no had to forgo

And not alone I see

Your closest friends with,

Persistence, Hope and Faith

To the rescue, to the rescue!

The three musketeers indeed

For sure thought

You’d have something

On the ready to say

For you had not accepted my

‘We’re over and done with’

Here come again

My dark corner to invade

Bringing the light

Rejected but secretly desired

Speaking what I long to hear

Not with words,

But loving touch

Smile so tender

I, you propel

Over and over

Message communicate

‘Here baby, you do not belong’

The “Teers” flanking

Like a shield

Dark acquaintances held at bay

Gotta get you back

Getting you home

Back where you belong