The Life I'm meant to live....

I was dying!  I knew this as sure as I knew my own name … Not that anyone could see it, for I was my usual bubbly self, but what was on the inside of me surely was a very different picture. One day I sat in my office looking around me I wondered- is this it??? All I had worked towards, dreamt of, is this it!!! Sure some would look at me and say what’s she got to complain about? She has a good career and a great job. True, but you have to know my journey to judge my story.

Every step I had ever taken in my life, I had taken because I had to. I’ll explain – I had to go to grade school, then secondary school, then to university, graduated then went off to internship, then youth service, then emigrated. In my new country there were also things I had to do. Get a transitional job, pass my boards, find a residency program, in the midst of this all, find a way to stay permanently in my new country, and finally get a job – my dream job… All this I did and the Lord helped me through it all, as did all my family and friends.

So how did I come to this horrible conclusion that I was dying… because all my life I had worked towards a goal and all of a sudden I found myself without a goal. I was living and moving through the motions of life without another goal in sight, and I found myself slowly fading into a dismal routine of daily drudgery, going through the motions but having no idea what I was working towards or whether I even LIKED what I was doing! Some might say what about your job? You could advance up the ladder… Yes, but this was one I had climbed for over fifteen years realizing when I got to the top that I wasn’t sure if I SHOULD have climbed that particular ladder at all… anyone with me?

Then something happened to me! I started looking inside of my self, started talking to myself (No I didn’t go crazy), asking my self what it WANTED TO DO, not what it SHOULD DO… I got some very surprising answers, which started me on a new journey, on a new path that has led me to where I am today… I was revived! Not in a tent meeting or in a church, but in my own temple! As I began to ask questions of myself, of the Lord, of the Word, I got answers. I received new sight, new strength and a new life… I discovered a new love for my vocation, for people. I discovered and re-discovered the gifts that God had placed on the inside of me … I was discovering my “Raison d’être “ My reason for being.

Things began to change in me and around me. Some things I had to let go, others I had to appropriate, I made new friends, strengthened old bonds, dug deep, walked alone for a while, but it paid off! IT PAID OFF!  Through it all, I can say today that I am truly living life, and starting to do the things I was destined to do, so that by His grace I can get to where I am supposed to… The Lord is helping me to draw a blueprint, and just like He gave exact instructions down to the “tee” as to how He wanted his temple built, He is giving me instructions as to how to build this my own temple, and I am LISTENING, before I move, before I do. Sure my journey may not be typical, but I am finding out that to live my life with joy and satisfaction, I MUST BE TRUE TO WHO I AM, AND TO WHAT HE HAS PLACED IN ME AND CALLED ME TO DO.

So as I look around me today, and I see hope, I see vision, I see love, I see joy and most of all I see and I am living LIFE!!! The life I’m meant to live…

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. John 11:25

© OluPero Mettabel, 01/20/12